It has been 9 months ago to the day. I was completely and utterly just not going to write this post.. however I put myself in the shoes of someone who is maybe starting to undergo what I went through last year (see post here) and will wake up with some hideous scar scaling a large area of a part of their body which they used to be confident about and I knew I had to write this post, just to say it will be ok.

When I first woke up and looked under the sheets to be greeted with this.. i just didn't react. It felt like a dream. So much so that I didn't look again for the following 4 days afterward, as I was in complete denial that my stomach now looked like something out of Texas chain saw massacre. I was confident with my stomach. I did ab work outs nearly every single day to keep it flat and toned and had just purchased some bikinis to show off all the hard work on my upcoming holiday to Thailand. 

Consequently when I did go to Thailand a few months later, I felt so ashamed and self- conscious of my scar, that I hid it with every single item of clothing, including bikinis for the whole trip. 

It has definitely taken so so long for the scar to heal, and even now my doctor says theres still over a year to go for it to fully heal. If you have had to go through this recently and have no idea how you're going to cope, everything will be ok! Probably one of the weirdest things is, sometimes i'll forgot that I have the scar and graze my hand over my stomach to scratch it, and the completely numb and non-sensation will happen and will completely give me the creeps. Even now I still don't know if I've properly come to terms with it, however this newly added permanent feature will always be completely worth just being alive, after being days away from dying. Having this, and the experience that has come with it has completely taught me to live life to the full everyday, don't take life for granted and spend as much time as you can with loved ones, as you never know what is round the corner. Scars will heal in time, and the people who matter in your life will not even blink an eye at the sight of it and you will soon learn that it becomes a part of you, and carries round those experiences with you.

Remember you are beautiful and all your scars make you who you are.


Rachel x

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